We can now understand the dispute between Nachmanides and Maimonides. According to Nachmanides, the essential aspect of lashon hara is the harm caused to others. Therefore, lashon hara cannot be included in the general mitzvah prohibiting gossip. Maimonides maintains that essential component of lashon hara is the harm

caused to oneself. From this perspective it is appropriate to include lashon hara in the general mitzvah prohibiting rechilut. However, it must be noted that Maimonides does acknowledge that lashon hara is a special case of rechilut. This acknowledgement implies that the harm caused by lashon hara to one’s personal well being is somewhat different from the harm associated with general rechilut. However, it is not clear from Maimonides’comments exactly wherein the difference lies. If we pursue this issue we may discover that Maimonides’ position provides an essential insight into the behavior of lashon hara. We notice that despite the widespread desire to curtail our engagement in lashon hara, this determination does not easily translate into an actual change in behavior. Why is this behavior so difficult to modify and correct? Part of the answer may lie in the traditional method used to address the problem. We notice that the most common method for addressing the problem of lashon hara is to read more about the gravity of the sin. Books about lashon hara are Judaic best sellers. But it seems that in the long-run learning more about the specific laws of lashon hara and the gravity of the sin has limited impact on the behavior. In fact this outcome is not surprising. If a person wants to change ones eating habits does one seriously think that reading diet books will foster this change? One who wishes to be less of a couch potato will probably not meet this challenge simply by reading about exercise. This reading may provide temporary inspiration. But in the long run this approach does not usually lead to permanent results. Instead one must identify and address the root source of the behavior. In the case of eating one must discover why one overeats. What is the attraction? What function is food serving in the person’s life? It makes sense that the same is required to effectively approach to problem of lashon hara. What causes us to engage in this behavior? Our Sages provide an amazing insight into this issue.They tell us the when we depreciate others we are really reflecting upon our own inadequacies.<ref>Mesechet Kedushin 70b.</ref> In other words, we speak about others in order to deflect our attention – or the attention of others – from our own insecurities, failing and faults. Let us consider this assertion more closely. We can all acknowledge that one of the greatest challenges we face in achieving personal growth is the need to critically evaluate our own attitudes and behaviors. The more deep-set and behavior or attitude, the more difficult it is to recognize and acknowledge. But this does not mean that we are not in some sense aware or our personal faults. We are frustrated with these imperfections and yet, we are unwilling to completely acknowledge them and confront them. How do we deal with this frustration? Our Sages are suggesting that we self-medicate. We escape our frustration by transferring our attention to the shortcoming of others. Rather than focus on ourselves, we change the focus of our attention to the other person. We evaluate that person and dissect the person’s behaviors and attitudes with the precision that we should direct towards the more painful and difficult task of introspection.

This is the reason the Maimonides regards rechilut as a behavior that undermines our own personal health. We are diverting our attention from ourselves and attaching it to another person. Lashon hara is an extreme manifestation of this mechanism. Gossip is a simple diversion. In speaking lashon hara we are actually aware – at some level – of a personal deficiency. But rather than acknowledging our personal shortcoming, we focus our attention on this failing as manifested in someone else. In this manner, we actually engage in denial of our own faults. This insight of our Sages suggests an approach to dealing with the urge to speak and participate in lashon hara and rechilut. The urge is apparently, motivated by the presence of an awareness of some personal failing. But this awareness is evokes an unhealthy response. We transfer our focus from ourselves to the other person. If this is correct, then each time we feel the urge to participate in lashon hara or rechilut, we need to respond with a question. What is bothering me about myself? What and I trying to avoid considering? Rather than allowing our attention to be diverted, we need to sharpen our focus on ourselves and allow for a moment of introspection. This is not an easy solution to apply. But it seems to respond to the fundamental motivations behind lashon hara and rechilut. Perhaps, if we keep our Sages insight in mind, we will be better able to overcome the urge to participate in lashon hara and rechilut.<ref>[http://www.mesora.org/RabbiFox/BeHalotecha64.htm Mesora.org]</ref>

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